Dear Early Morning

Its been awhile since I have seen your face here in this neck of my woods. I must be honest when I say that I have been enjoying my leisurefull mornings without you. Its been amazing for my soul to lay in my bed, asleep and sometimes awake , untill late morning. Listening, Dreaming, bein still.  late morning and me just  seem to get along alot better these days then you and I do. It wasnt anything you said or did, its just your cold and dark and make my eyes hurt. After settling in with late morning yesterday though, I decided I needed to spend some more time with you early. becuase with the cold and dark you also get words like productive, quiet and still. I find that when I drink my coffee with you early I seem to get more work done, I seem to get more time in a day that already has to little and my time spent with God seems deeper and unmoved. I wonder though if this is simply a friendship fling and tommorow late and I willl be tight again or if this is something I can stick to ....this thing with me and you. Before Emilys accident...this time with you was also hers. It makes me not so much a fan because of the connection you have with her. early she loved you more then any other, and definitly deeper then I will ever be able to. It makes you also have words like sad, fear, lonley.  I am not sure I want to get back to this "normal" early morning. But without you early, things just dont seem to get done.  without you early, "normal" things are left unclaimed, unfinished, empty.  yet with you early, what use to be moments of joy, feel lonely and disconnected.
Dearest early morning, be gentle with my body and ease softly with my soul. I will try and learn to love you again, but if I dont.....the guilt would be nice left unsaid. my alarm beeps in the stillness and I wonder why I am even attempting a relationship with you early. I really seem to think its a waste of time in most moments. But then I remind myself that after I spend a little more time with you, after I enjoy your company for what it is ....you will feel better to not see late so much. Maybe.
Sincerly
Sarah