A brief introduction and Commitment,

Good Morning, I pray this post finds you well and that your week is blessed.
We are the Walkers, and were so glad that you have found us on this rainy day in October. Wow, I just typed October, that's so odd. We have had a blog before here, but we thought that it would be good to start a new...again....because our lives have changed...again. God has had us on a bit of a whirlwind tour os of late, and quite frankly I cant keep up. Good news is , I font have to. Alas, I am happy that God has lead us and carried us through, so there really is not anything to complain about. God is funny that way.
My name is Sarah , for those who are unawares. I am a Christian Helpmeet wife and Mother of five.  I say five , with some hesitation .... We lost our darling Emily-Rose this summer at the age of "almost two" August 8th , she went home. Her death is the number one reason why this new blog has begun. I went to post i the other blog and quite frankly it just didn't seem to fit our family anymore. I think grief does that. It changes who you are. Sort of takes your insides out ....stomps on it , then God picks them up and puts them back in....but their never really put back in the way they were before.
Our little emmy  drowned in our swimming pool. I look back on that day and I cringe...I hurt, I almost plea with myself to take  that thought out of your head, least it happen. Of course then I need to remind myself that it did indeed happen and our little girl is away. not gone, but away. I dont see her as gone. I cannot see her as gone. I see her walking a few steps ahead of us in a place that is so amazing and we will be joining her when our time here is through. We are not for here , we are for something higher, bigger and she is there already.
I see things differently now, with alot more clarity, which is why I have decided to share this journey. This blog will not be only about grief, though there will be aspects of such. It will be about our farm also. About our simple life...and how you too can make a commitment to simplicity...however small, if that is where you feel God is leading.
I have learned alot about myself , my  family, God and death in the last 8 weeks. Lessons I would have preferred not to see, but I looked death straight in the face and was forced to accept the loss that that leaves. I am no longer afraid. If God can get me through this, I can accomplish anything. Everything with His grace.  I have been lead to start this ministry of healing and have been support by Gods hands and feet as they express to me how much they want to see more of my thoughts and feelings in writing. I feel honoured to share our journey with you , however also terrified. I ask that you keep me accountable in my sharing. Because though there are things that are hard to talk about, I think that is exactly why I need to keep sharing.
Emily -Rose didn't fear anything. Every morning she woke with joy in her eyes and peace in her spirit. She lived each day with a smile on her face and everyday wanted to make sure she filled it full....I had a passion to make sure she accomplished that. I see that as a gift from God. Emmy being the fifth it would have been easy for me to just sort of rush through. But I didn't....I held onto every second with her. I thought at the time that it was because she might be my last....but now I see this was God telling me to take my time, as she doesn't have alot.
I miss her in all the little things that she did, said, walked, grew, giggled, cried. even in the way she took a bath. everything in my life reminds me of her, and it hurts. As I sit here with tears flowing from the depths of my soul, I have a smile on my face. The same things that cause me pain, bring me also immense amounts of joy.  I miss holding her little body in my arms, and her smell that never seem to change. I am so happy that God gave me a chance to have even a little piece of her. That was a gift. Her being placed in my arms at all was a gift. I have realised that this life is not about asking why did something have to die , its more about asking why did they have to live in the first place. I am and will continue to be a mama of at least five, because even though God has taken her to be with Him, I still have a responsibility to her. I am responsible to continue to love and to remember her . I have a responsibility to live my life in a way that places me with her , with our Saviour when my time comes. I also have a responsibility to live this life as if today was my last because quite frankly it could be. I didn't know that when I ate supper that night , that that would be the last time I would get her dinner ready for her. I didn't know that that afternoon when I held her and breathed her in , that that would be last time. I didn't know that I would change her last diaper on that evening. But I do know that I wouldn't do anything differently. I would have done the same things over if given the chance. I might have made dinner last longer....but overall ...I would do the same things over. I miss my little girl...I miss her so deeply that it physically hurts most days...but were healing and were growing. I would like to share this journey with you if your willing.
This is only the beginning of a small trip on a great journey that only starts after we die....I know that now and will treat it as such. RIP Emily-Rose , I love you with all my soul.
Be well all
In His Love
Sarah Walker